I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
