i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
