I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
