8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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