so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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