i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
