i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize