I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
