i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
