you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
