The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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