I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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