I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
