shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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