Betty ford says i'm here all night
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
