he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
