mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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