so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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