Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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