i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
