When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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