ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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