You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
