season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
