Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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