Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
