All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
