I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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