If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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