just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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