Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
