he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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