I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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