YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
