I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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