New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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