There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
