Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
