He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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