Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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