He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
