Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
