i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
