My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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