i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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