why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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