marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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