If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
