i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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