i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
