Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
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he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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