You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
