he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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