There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
