I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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