Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So vagazzling was a success
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
