i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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