at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You dont lie about slip and slides
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
