Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
