Pants 0. Shit 1.
My hand turned me down
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
