i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
