I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
my liver is dry heaving
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
