Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
