writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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