I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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